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15 January 2013

My Laquesha

Thinking about applying to be my Valentine?  I'll tell you now, you will have a much better shot at winning if you are a real person.  Although I will admit, the falsified ones are funny.  They represented 8% of the applications that I received last year.  I'd like to share this one with you that some friends submitted. 

Just to clarify, I did not write this. Enjoy.

Name: Laquesha

Phone Number: 313-HOT-MAMA (313-468-6262)

1. What were your first impressions of me and how do they relate to what you think of me now?  If we've never met please answer this question last.
well i be seein you from a distance. and i just be like shoot boi he is my kind of man. which is all man.  like fur serious. i still dont know you super great an all but i would like ta get to no you, cuz you be lookin all flyy. well pretty flyy for a white guy.

2. Why do you want to be my valentine?
so you can buy me things. im finna be sittin at home by myself that day if i dont. shoot.

3. In the Rodgers and Hammerstein's musical The Sound of Music, Maria sings a song about her favorite things.  What are a few of your favorite things?
cherry kool-aid
boots with the fur
when de bus be heer on time

4. Have you ever seen the Justin Bieber movie and what are your honest feelings about this Canadian icon?
uhh he's kinda little but oooo dang he still be super fine. mmmhmm. i mean nothin compared to my feelings fur dis ben brown kid but ya he be fine.

5. Hypothetically, if we were dating, which movie/book/celebrity couple would you compare us to?
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. 

6. Please share one of your top three most embarrassing experiences.
one day i be drivin in ma ride and i turned ma phone on to record me a liddle video on da way to the perk. and some trick g-snached ma phone and posted da video of me and my crusty crust lips all over them internet. shoot. i be so red.

7. Have you met any famous people? Who would you like to meet and why?
i am famous. people meet me.

8. What is your favorite flavor?
flamin hott hott

9. If a book was written about our love story, what would the title of the fifth chapter be?
"dang boy, wat be dat smell?!"

10. Please write a question of your choice and answer it.
why dis survey be so long?

i just want you, why should i have to open this survey, think of answers, type it up, and email it ta you? shoot man. i am a woman.

The whole time reading this I'm just imagining Glozelle Green like:

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