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11 January 2012

Girls confuse me...

Received Friend Request from Girl: January 2ish?
Me: I don't know who this is, I'll figure it out later.

Text Received 6 Jan approx. 10:00PM

Cool, a double date with a girl.  So this guy gives me her name and number.  I look her up on Facebook.  Wow, this girl seems really cool.  We like a lot of the same things!  (Also, this girl is very pretty.) Why does it say confirm friend request?  Oh!  Its the girl who sent me a friend request a few days ago.  *Feeling flattered.

So I send her a text:

*please note the times that these messages are sent and received*

I really wasn't concerned...
I'm sitting in church when I get this good morning text.  I'm feeling kind of weirded out, because I don't know this girl... I wouldn't say we're on "Text Good Morning" terms yet...

Facebook Message from me to Girl Evening of 8 Jan (emphasis added):
Let me begin by responding to your last text. Im happy to talk to you and I'm happy to get to know you. I feel bad because I feel like you are hoping for more of my attention than I am giving you.

I'd like you to understand where I'm at. I feel weird about making small talk over text messages. Originally I thought it would be a good idea, but since I don't know you that well still, it doesn't exactly cross my mind to text you during my downtime. Between church, school, and my current social life, I honestly don't spend a lot of time texting.

I apologize if I've mislead you; I certainly do not intend to hurt your feelings. I do look forward to going on a date with you."

Facebook message response 10 Jan:
"Hahaha no you're totally fine. Peace out."

Girl Updates Facebook status:
"I hate when you're having a perfectly fine day and then you see something on facebook that makes your heart sink a little.... :("

Blog Exclusive Response:
Dear Girl,
Your heart should not be sinking.  You don't even know me... I just said I was happy to talk to you and get to know you.  When I said get to know each other, I did not mean "You are now a part of my life."  I asked a question "Where do you work?"  I asked if anything interesting happened at work... Do you want to know something about me?  Ask!  I'd rather not carry the whole get to know you conversation...  

Also, maybe you should reconsider who your friends are:

Dear friend of Girl,
I'm sorry I "chewed out" your friend.  Maybe you read the note in a tone like I was yelling at her.  Even then I don't really understand where you'd think I was upset with her.  Like this part if I was yelling: I APOLOGIZE IF I'VE MISLEAD YOU; I CERTAINLY DO NOT INTEND TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS!!!

Dear Girl,
If you don't want to go on a date anymore, its cool.  Honestly, at this point, I am feeling pretty upset.  I tried to express to you how I felt sincerely about this entire interaction and I don't feel that I've been treated fairly.

I'd appreciate some comments, even if they are at my expense, because I really don't understand girls.  And yes, I know its probably immature to publish this whole fiasco on my blog.  I've laughed about it enough though that I thought I should share it with the world.


  1. Sounds like the poor girl is still in high school. Interesting and entertaining at the same time. Id give this a 9/10... When can we expect to see it in theaters?

  2. But on a more serious note, Ben, I feel as if your Facebook message to her was a little premature. So what if it appeared that things were moving quickly. Go with the flow... You should have set a date for the date before determining the relationship.

  3. I failed to mention the part where she had the guy from the beginning check up on me... "What do you think of Girl?"

    That was exactly two hours before she resent the text about fb friending me.

    I feel like:
    A) she friended me on Facebook because she was interested in me
    B) She had her friend try to set us up
    C) She was expecting me to jump at the opportunity and I didn't.

    I'm flattered that she went to all the trouble but since I don't really know her, I really just don't know what to say.

    Also, I never want to be put in a blind date situation again. Except perhaps for Valentine's day.

  4. I, for one, am really glad you put this on your blog and that you posted a link to it. Made. My. Night. Honestly, I don't think all that drama is worth it. Just move on a forget about it. Too much nonsense going on there :/ But thank you for laughing and for cleverly retelling it for the rest of us :)

  5. My husband put it this way for me once: all guys are creepy and all girls are crazy. Our job is not to find the one that is the least creepy or crazy, but to find the one tht hides their creepiness/craziness the best. That means they have common sense and logic.

    Barring whether or not I actually agree with my husband's philosophy on dating, this girl is crazy and you should tred lightly. Crazy can get a guy wrapped up in something you don't want before you know it.

  6. A few things:

    1) I agree with Jason. The girl DOES sound a little immature. A few grammatical errors, but we'll dismiss those for the time being.

    2) That being said, your explanation to her was emotionally heavy. Things like that don't always come out at the other end how you meant them when you send the messages. Because tone of voice is hard to convey over text messaging, I would have recommended that you delivered that message personally, or over a phone call, at the very least.

    Final Scores
    Ben: 20% fault
    Girl: 80%

  7. Oh, man. I have a friend trying to set me up with a guy right now, and I feel like it's weird. I accepted his friend request, but haven't talked to him at all.

    Obviously, this girl is the kind that texts very often, and the 'not being texted' scares her. Hopefully, she learns to look at this from a better standpoint. Because going head over heels for a guy before you meet them is sad.

    Also - you didn't show the other text you got Sunday. Oh, wait. That one's much less entertaining, since it was just me letting you know I was sick. :P

  8. It is better to get a new person face to face rather then over texting. Since the person does not know you very well they can easily take things the wrong way over text/chat/facebook.

  9. Aw, Ben. I have a very different take on this whole thing. This girl is willing to try new things (a date with you), but she wisely wants to know what she's getting into--especially since she's talking about taking time out of her very busy schedule (three jobs) and spending the gas money to drive down to Provo. So her first step is to check you on facebook. Normal. Her next step is to talk with you a little bit. Texting isn't exactly intimate (as evidenced by the fact that you just posted the whole conversation for everyone to see and judge). Your statement, "I wouldn't say we're on 'good morning' terms yet" made me laugh. Maybe things have changed, but I used to regularly say "good morning" to complete strangers as I crossed BYU campus, and no one ever told me to stop the madness. ;) She was merely taking BABY STEPS in laying the foundation for a nice date. When you didn't respond, she didn't freak out. She was just looking for feedback on whether she should continue to try those baby steps or just let the whole thing go. The sinking heart had very little to do with you. It was about risking acceptance by making overtures of friendship and being made to feel foolish for having done so.

    Dating is like trying on a yoke with someone. If either of you tries to go faster than the other, it becomes very uncomfortable. So the trick is to be willing to take a few steps in synchronicity and see how you like it. The weird thing is, whoever is willing to step first is always risking ridicule if the partner doesn't choose to step at the same time. It seems that she was looking for a nice slow start with the date being a few steps away and you were looking to stand still and suddenly start moving on the date. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong, but I am saying that she was willing to risk--and this blog attacks the very vulnerability that makes relationships possible.

    One final note: if you are inflexible on how to start the walk together or the speed at which you progress, you might miss the girl that is the perfect fit for your yoke. Good luck on finding the perfect fit!

  10. Okay, so now I'm reading that last sentence of my comment, and I'm worried that it sounds sarcastic. I didn't mean it to be. Really, good luck: I want you to find the best fit ever, because you are a great catch for the right girl!


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