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30 November 2008

Go Hokies!!!

Yay! So go virginia tech! Excellent win over UVA today. I was really impressed with the offense today. I saw some great drives. just with no scoring... that was just a little teensy weensty bit disappointing... lol. but I am really just glad that we won. :D

and also...
dear sooners,

i think you have good football team. one improvement though... TELL YOUR BAND TO SHUT UP!!! seriously thats annoying.

yesterday was good. like I said i saw twilight again, and I got to play real and fake volleyball.

toady we got our family christmas tree! yay christmas!

i like christmas. and i miss a lot of people... k?

29 November 2008


Although my best friend is losing respect for me by the hour... I LOVE TWILIGHT!!! lol, there I said it. and yes I saw the movie again with Jessica. and to today I ate burger king and taco bell and i was a rebel. and i put up terrible Christmas lights. muahahahahahahaha. yeah I'm awesome. and a recommendation... go read the twilight books. they are BENBROWN approved. k?

28 November 2008

these are funny

Seriously though...

I got to get out of this place...

Its making me go crazy.

You Know What?

I'm tired of all the crap that my parents keep throwing at me.

pardon my french.

seriously though, I'm sick of it.


wasn't really that special. oh well. I'm just glad I didn't totally stuff myself. Not gonna lie I ate a lot of fruits and vegetables and some turkey. and no soda, just water. but I also ate some really good Korean food.

i feel sick today.

yesterday my family went to the American history museum. I do like being this close to DC so we can do things like that. at the same time, i would rather have been playing football or sleeping in. it was fun though I guess.

So I haven't checked very very recently, but I think its pretty safe to say that I weigh 312 pounds. Thats pretty awesome. yeah, so 16 more pounds to go.

Jessica, I know you don't read this... but do you want your Christmas present early? huh? do ya do ya do ya?

I'm supposed to be cooking right now, but I dont want to get up officially. then i'll have to do other stuff too... lol

mmm... sausage balls...

actually i think i will go cook those... lol

23 November 2008

I love life.

Yeah, basically I do. You should to! :D

I can't wait for Thanksgiving!


I danced today, and I haven't done that in a long time. It was fun. :D

I helped this new family in our ward move in. They are originally from Russia and they are sooooooo nice.

TTU...? wassup with that. You guys got owned! yay! go gators (for tim)

... and go Seminoles because you play BYU next year... (anti-Tim)

oh and tim got his mission call to Nashville! YAY!!!

we had an elders quorum activity and it was really fun. and I weighed 314 pounds today. :D heck yes!

So I only need to lose 18 more pounds before my papers are gonna go through. I have an unrealistic goal of losing all the weight by Christmas. So lets DO IT!!!

also... i really did like dancing today. oh! and the sky keeps randomly dropping snowflakes during the day this past week... ugh its sooooooooooo annoying... I can't stand the snow.

I really want to go to a college football game. Its probably because last season I went to six at BYU. lol

6... none... kind of a big difference.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we have wrad choir tomorrow... er... today? yikes. I better hit the sack! :D

The way I see it.

So Brigham Young lost to the U of U in Salt Lake City. I am fine with that. I kind of expected it actually. anyway...

Virginia Tech, who has not had a great season, who has been struggling on offense, and who have only scored ten touchdowns in there last five games (thats two each), is one game away from making an appearance at the ACC championship game for the third time in the last four seasons.

Lets take a look at these "ten" touchdowns:
Boston College - 2 touchdowns off interceptions (Defense) Lost
florida St. - 2 touchdowns (Offense) Lost
Maryland - 2 touchdowns (Offense) Won
Miami - 2 touchdowns (Offense) Lost
Duke - 1 touchdown (Offense), 1 touchdown (Defense)

Of their other six games, they scored three touchdowns in each of four games and two in the other two games.

El Senor Bud foster has done an excellent job in the defensive department, and this year the Special Teams unit hasn't exactly been as good as it has in past seasons.

I would love to see Virginia Tech become the ACC champions. Unfortunately, the two teams on the other side of the conference (Atlantic Division) that are going to have a shot are two teams that VT has already lost too. those being fsu and BC. BC if they beat maryland and fsu if maryland wins.

I do not think that they will pull off this championship unless they start playing football on offense.

If they do win the ACC championship and go to the Orange bowl, I want them to play anyone but Utah. I figure if they make it here they will lose anyway, but I can always hope.

I want Utah to come into its BCS berth and crush its opponent. This way, next year, when BYU goes undefeated... well, you know. the non-BCS might get a little more credit...

If Utah does end up playing VT I will not root for them. I will be rooting for tech, who will probably lose but as I said before, its all about hope.

Next year VT and BYU should have outstanding seasons... of course, I'll be on a mission somewhere in the world and I won't get to see any of it. oh well...

Good luck to Virginia Tech next week against the Cavs. Lets see some excellent offense!!!

vote for cosmo!

Seriously... do it

19 November 2008

Good Start Today

Now playing: Katherine Nelson - Stand for God
via FoxyTunes

Lets keep it up now.

I had a good day today. I chose to have a good day today. After feeling like crap yesterday, today I felt great.

I did some deep breathing this morning for about twenty minutes.

I then ate a chicken Caesar wrap. mmmm... tasty. and even better was... I made it myself! :D

Seriously though. Today was good. I even vacuumed the pool at work which I normally hate doing.

from now on, day by day, I'm going to make the most of my time and take more time to appreciate things that I take for granted.

I really want to do something fun really soon. I need some hang out time with some friends. Our ward is going to have another ward volleyball night in a couple weeks. I'm really looking forward to that. I haven't been playing volleyball at the rec recently. Mostly because I have been making excuses to myself about why I don't want to go. Not that I even have to.

Oh another thing. No more excuses. Yeah, and I'm never going to become angry ever again.

I deleted my facebook. i was spending to much time on there. I feel it will be better for me to spend time on my blog. 1) because if i get my mission call somewhere where I'll be able to email, I want to be able to type fast so I can say more. 2) i never sit and write in my journal and so this is kinda like doing that. just its on a computer and everyone can read it. Even strangers. lol



Anyway, I convinced my sister to get a blog and soon there will be a link to it on my page so you can read it if you want.

I worked out my lower body today and I am going to be so so so so sore tomorrow. Sad day. Well, happy day actually.

Maybe tomorrow I'll even go to institute. :D

I really want to play football. Yay for the turkey bowl next week!

I weigh 315 pounds right now! Woot.

So the Holy War is this weekend. Yeah, the BYU Utah game. GO COUGARS!!! I want to believe that they will be able to pull it off. Not confident though.

My baby sister is so cute. She loves salami. She is very silly, all the time.

I'm gonna edit the layout of this page now. Toodles.

Now playing: David Osmond - A More Excellent Way
via FoxyTunes

Hey so...

I'm gonna make things right. I've determined.

18 November 2008

So, Ben, how have you been? the untold story.

Now playing: The Beach Boys - Darlin'
via FoxyTunes
I'm sick of it.

I really do HATE looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person that I see. I have lost about 25 pounds since I've started trying to lose weight. And I don't like looking in the mirror anymore. The person who I see is a stranger. It kind of weirds me out to be honest. Its weirder to look at pictures of what I used to look like. Because I can't remember looking like that. I wonder what I am supposed to look like. I have scars, they aren't noticeable but they make me feel imperfect. I wonder if I'll ever truly be comfortable with the way that I look. I'm sick of it.

I miss music. There is a part of me that needs music and my current playlists don't suffice. I do enjoy the music I listen to, but I really miss the Spirit of peace that music brings to my soul when I perform. I miss those chords that give me chills and the melodies that bring tears to my eyes. I can't play the piano well and I don't have the drive to continue the banjo. I'm sick of it.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't such a wimp. Growing up I spent my entire life trying to figure out who I was. I was always trying to define myself. I am nineteen years old and I still don't really know who I am. I'm still not entirely sure exactly who I want to be. My junior year of high school was the first time I'd ever taken a step out of my comfort zone. When I went to EFY that summer I felt like I was living the life I wanted to live. I became "Ben Brown". I finally had an identity that I tried to live up to. But I failed. No one was meant to be perfect in the life. But I had to many failures to be truly happy with myself. I'm sick of it.

I've spent the last three years of my life trying to escape a couple of things. But I couldn't let go. No matter how hard I tried I was haunted by thoughts of things that could have been. In a way I still am haunted but no longer by these things. If there is anything that I've learned ever, it is that God expects a lot from me. He knows what I am capable of. "When I feel like just a teardrop in the rain, and I'm meant to be a river, God sees the ocean in me." I have made many mistakes in my life. And for me, when times are bad, I blame myself. I know that I control many instances but I need to stop holding myself accountable for the actions of others. I'm sick of it.

I constantly try to be positive and do my best. Unfortunately, the truth is, on the inside, I hate the way parts of my life have turned out. And I know that it shouldn't matter but I guess its part of being human. I really want to give up sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle things anymore. But what really keeps me going is my family. There is so much turmoil going on in my life right now. Buts its all in an inner conflict. There is so much I feel that I need to fix that I need to repair. And most of it I really can't. I really just need to let go. How though? How do I let go? I'm sick of it.

I know how. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm sick of it.

And I know life isn't fair. But sometimes I wish I could redo everything I have ever done. Re-make every choice that I have ever made. Would I be truly happy then? One of my goals is to inspire others. I want to help others achieve their dreams. But I guess that the first thing that I need is a true dream of my own. One that I can work toward. One that doesn't leave me feeling guilty. I need to find my inspiration to continue with my life before I am ready. I'm sick of it.

Thanks for reading this. I wish there was some way I could tell you that the fact that you know all this means that you've seen deeper into my inner self than I have ever let anyone ever before. Thanks. And I love you.

Now playing: Sherwood - Song In My Head
via FoxyTunes

14 November 2008

11 November 2008



so thats basically how I feel about stuff right now. I really think I could cry. But not really. Cuz I'm above that. Its really just on the inside.

Also, today my family went to the National Archives and I got to see the documents that our nation was founded upon. Regardless of what I said before, I love this country. Then I came home ande watched the news about people in DC getting beat up by idiot teenagers...

09 November 2008


my feelings can no longer be described with words...

ive got the words to keep the birds hummin.

i have to decide if i want to try to watch the BYU Utah game or play video games with th elders quorum... :C

seriously, i miss my friends that are gone...

I <3 the starting line
'-> aaaaaaand im pretty sure im addicted to the hush sound.....

self, great day

today i bought some cds. :D

it was these:

and i got this at hot topic:

its a belt.
my goal is to shrink into it.

this week ive been eating all healthy and whatnot. today i got a haircut and ate some arbys and then at night my dad and i got free red robin burgers. YUM! :D

also iowa what...........!?!?! lol silly penn st.

BYU still has a shot at MWC championship if they beat Utah and Air force... :D

i really like my haircut, and i really need to pluck my eyebrows...

i had the A1 peppercorn burger at Red Robin... SO GOOD. oh AND blueberry pomegranate limeade is delicious.

i love music.

My mission call should seriously come this week I am SO EXCITED!!!

okay okay okay okay. my dad and i are so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad together... seriously it should be a crime all the bad jokes we come up with.

I love all of these cds thats why i bought them.

and... i played rockband today. at bestbuy. and this old lady was really imrpessed. lol she didnt know i've never played before. did bass on hard.

so yeah thats it 4 now...

07 November 2008

my life is so boring right now...

Now playing: The Morning Of - Reverie
via FoxyTunes

tomorrow should be a good day though. %crosses fingers...

also... i live in the black, white, asian, hispanic, native amercican, young, old, rich, poor, gay, straight, disabled, and not-disabled States of America...

Now playing: We Shot The Moon - In The Blue
via FoxyTunes

Today was one of the best days ive had in a while...

Now playing: The Hush Sound - That's Okay
via FoxyTunes

So i've been following the body for life program this week.

on monday i weighed 324. yikes and i thought i was maybe 320.
good news is today i weighed 318.5

so yeah. also i've overcome two of my lifes trials. i know there are more to come. but i know that I can do all things in christ with strengtheneth me.
and the hokies won, and with utahs win over tcu, byu could still have a shot at a decent bowl game. i hate the bcs...

why is the ACC so freakin nuts...?

i hate my job.

i waltzed through bloom today. OH YEAH!

oh... btw my mission papers have been in and i'm "weighting" on my call. lol

so obama is the president. cool. guess what? i hate the federal government. aren;t they only there for us to find fault with them?

i am gonna stuff my face on saturday... sad. :D

seriously i am in love with life.

scripture that has been on my mind. 2 Timothy 3:1-5. yeah

also ifyou're reading this, go read the Book of Mormon. its funny how there is truth in the world but most people are worried more about day by day than there eternal potential...

anyways peace.

Now playing: The Hush Sound - Love You Much Better
via FoxyTunes

i dance in my head to this... la la